Time-to-Read:⚡ 5-min read, 2-min skim
Hey you! Let’s do a gut-check:
So…how many times have you scrolled past a beach pic and instantly felt like a half-deflated basketball?
Or (whoops) checked out that guy’s engagement post… again… and suddenly your own morning breakfast felt kind of… meh?
Today:
why the comparison scroll spirals,
why your brain secretly loves it,
and two things you can do to claw back your peace.
This Week’s Interesting find:
Scrolling isn’t the villain,
comparing UP is.
Recent research (click here) shows that when people get stuck comparing themselves to the highlight reels of others on social media (especially if they’re always looking “up” at people they think have it better),
their brain lights up the same networks that process threat and loss….triggering low mood, shame, and self-doubt.
Not good (obviously).
The data shows it’s not about how long you scroll,
but how your brain frames the story,
so catching yourself in an upward comparison loop and switching focus to your own small wins can help break the feedback cycle and lift your mood.
3 Big Ideas To Hold
1️⃣ Big Idea #1:
Your brain is not scrolling per se,
It’s searching for something…
You don’t just scroll to waste time.
You scroll to spot something that you feel like resonates with you.
Every “success” post?
Your brain runs a background check of “Am I behind?”
Cue the cortisol (stress brain chemical).
Dopamine spikes, then drops.
So no wonder you close the app feeling hollow and snacky.
Science says…
social comparison loop hits the same neural circuits as social exclusion.
Yep.
Your brain can’t tell “left out of the group chat” from
“not invited to the crew’s campfire.”
It’s not FOMO.
It’s a primal “Am I safe here?” energy.
tl;dr: Instagram is a slot machine for existential belonging.
2️⃣ Big Idea #2:
The highlight reel is an emotional mosh pit
with you in the front row.
We scroll hoping to find motivation or get that “dopamine hit,”
but our brains default to measuring (and usually losing).
comparison actually triggers micro-grief.
like the quiet loss of who you “should” be by now.
So every “I just closed on a house at 25”
is a tiny funeral for the version of you who didn’t.
Assuming that’s something you care about,
or something you’ve been told you should care about.
Weird? maybe.
Normal. yep.
3️⃣ Big Idea #3:
Being seen online is not the same as being known.
The truth is that 10,000 followers DOES NOT equal 1 real friend who will answer your 2AM “you up?” text.
The algorithm rewards your best angle,
but what heals you is the ugly cry on a Tuesday.
Neuroscience shows that real human connection (eye contact, shared silence, awkward laughter) turns down the volume on your brain’s panic siren.
Likes do not.
Likes do not.
Likes do not.
If you’re the friend who “always listens,”
let someone in next time your brain does the comparison spiral.
Nobody is immune.
Pro move: text your messiest thought to a real friend.
So… what do you do to change that?
GREAT QUESTION YOU.
Two Ways to Make Your Nervous System Feel Safer Today
Scheduled Scrolls:
Try two tiny windows today (set a timer).
Every other urge = “Nah, later.”
Yes, it’ll feel weird.
That’s called withdrawal.Envy Interrupt:
Every time you feel that gut pang,
pause and text yourself a skill no one on IG knows you have.
Example: I can recite every line from Shrek.
Sad? Maybe.
Unique? Yes.
Micro-Challenge for the Week:
Try one, reply with 🧃 if it makes you feel even 1% more… you.
Coffee Chat Questions to Steal ☕️
What’s one “perfect” post you’ve side-eyed this week?
Is your feed your real life, or just a museum?
What’s one messy truth about you that never makes it to your stories?
Send these to a friend and watch what unravels.
Or keep them for your next overthinking night.
Whatever works.
So…?
Okay,
you’re battling comparison.
Now what?
When you’re ready,
here’s how I can help:
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Real Talk: What’s your vibe after reading this?
social feeds flatten messy lives into little glass boxes.
but your feed isn’t real life.
do not forget that.
you’ll be okay (:
warmly,
dennis
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